It must have been around 2007..
In 2004 the largest tsunami in history struck Aceh..
200,000 people lost their lives..
I heard there was an orphanage caring for the children who had lost their parents and been orphaned then
so I once paid it a visit..
If you take the Bogor(?) toll road and keep going.. on the left there's a road that climbs up to Puncak..
If instead of climbing to Puncak there you keep going straight
you come to a four-way intersection with traffic lights..
Going straight takes you toward Rancamaya golf course..and Sukabumi..
Turning right you can get to the animal farm..
and turning left you can climb the back road to Puncak
and on the way up that road there's an orphanage..
Thinking that we should do something good once in a while in life.. I went to the orphanage with my wife..
There was a Korean person there..
We greeted them..
looked around here and there as they guided us
and met the children too..
Being Puncak, it was cool..
The facilities were well set up
and the children were clean..
well dressed and doing well..
For a moment..I felt I had come for nothing..
There didn't seem to be much I could help with
so I lit a cigarette..and was wandering around here and there when..
they said the children would soon be learning taekwondo..
They showed me the place where they'd learn taekwondo..it was indoors..
Since they'd have to practice breakfalls and might take tumbles,
they said it would be good to have mats laid down inside..
so I said I'd take care of that..and came back..
It was fairly large..
and when I asked around, there was a factory that makes mats for indoor gymnasiums..
I told them it would be used for various purposes and that the area was about this size..and got a quote..
I remember it came to about 20 million rupiah..
What kind of money does a salaried worker have..
Suddenly I found myself thinking the money was a waste..
Spending it on children in good(?) facilities..who were doing fine
when I was struggling to make a living myself — that's what brought on the thought..
I called a close Chinese friend..
I persuaded him it was for children orphaned by the Aceh tsunami..
We agreed to split the cost in half
and I bought the mats and had them sent over..
Since then..
I've never once visited that orphanage..nor contacted them..
When going out to Rancamaya or Sukabumi..
it crosses my mind occasionally when I reach that intersection, and that's about it..
I'm normally the type to let everyone know what my right hand has done..
so ordinarily I would have bragged about it to people..
but as for that orphanage story..
I'll have to ask tomorrow morning
but I suspect even my wife doesn't know..
Somehow..I just didn't want to talk about it..
Why didn't I talk about it..thinking it over carefully..
It was an orphanage I visited meaning to do something good..
but the orphanage children were doing so well..
My expectations were completely off..
I went imagining shabby facilities..
and listless children who had lost their parents
and instead I saw the exact opposite..
The moment I saw that..I.. thought, I've come to the wrong place..
And the moment I thought that, I had already lost the qualification(?)..
If you visit an orphanage..
the focus should be the orphans who barely survived the tsunami
but in my heart..
the focus had already become myself, the man helping children who were living in hardship..
I'm this kind of person..
I'm different from other people..
Well..I was full of.. that sort of cheap vanity, so..
the moment I saw children living brightly in good facilities..
the thought I've come to the wrong place.. came over me..
The reason I went there was..
to help children orphaned by the tsunami live even a little better..
and yet seeing the children living well..
what I felt instead was disappointment..
Really..
ironic, isn't it..?
That's why I think I never told anyone..
Afraid my petty state of mind would be found out..
out of shame..