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The housekeeper did the laundry.

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A pastor allegedly sexually assaulted a congregation member..

A Buddhist monk allegedly borrowed money and hasn't paid it back..


Pastor..Buddhist monk..

They're people just like us..

But..

Even when they make the same mistakes, they receive many times more criticism than ordinary people..


The reason is..

I think it's because of the social expectations placed on clergy..


When we think of clergy

We unconsciously hold the belief that they should be superior to ordinary people in morality and such things

We're likely holding these thoughts without even realizing it..

We're holding these thoughts implicitly

When their wrongdoings become known, a sense of betrayal arises, doesn't it..

That's why I think they receive many times more criticism..



When I think carefully about 'expectations'..

I think expectations and happiness might be inversely proportional..


If we look at cases where we get angry..



Kids do weird things while studying for exams..

Eating snacks..crunchy things..singing alone..and when they can't answer properly about what they studied

Mothers would get angry..


By the way, this is about our second child..


But I don't get angry..

Even though I see that scene every day when I go home for lunch

I don't get angry..


The first child did well on their own..

They're calm-natured and sleep only after doing what needs to be done..

The second child takes after me in personality..


When I tell them not to look at their phone so close because it'll ruin their eyes..


'So what if my eyes get worse..'


Then I say..


'If your eyes get worse, you'll need glasses..'

'So what, I can just wear glasses. How hard is that..?'


'Because it costs money..'

'Dad can just go to work and earn money..'


An 11-year-old shoots back every time

When I think about it carefully, everything they say makes sense..

And when I think about it again

I realize these are things I heard a lot at that age..


They kept telling me to come out from behind the TV and watch from a distance..watch from a distance..

But I sat right in front, stubbornly stubbornly..


I'm wearing glasses now..

But there's no major problem living life..



This might sound a bit harsh..


I didn't have high expectations about studying for the first child either

But they're doing unexpectedly well, so I'm grateful..

For the second child, I'm even thinking maybe I shouldn't send them to college..

Since I don't have high expectations about studying

What I ask every day is..


Are you happy in life..?

That's all I ask..


There's nothing to get angry about..

When they bring home slightly better test scores, the joy seems even bigger..



A child who's always ranked 1st in the whole school

If they become ranked around 10th

I'm sure they'd feel tremendously depressed..


A child ranked 500th in the whole school who becomes ranked 400th would be incredibly happy, right..



The word 'expectations' may not be a complete synonym for 'greed', but it seems similar..


5 years ago when I changed jobs to the company I work for now

I couldn't negotiate the salary I had hoped for..

When I briefly mentioned this while talking with my sister

My sister said to me..


After working 6-7 days a week for nearly 20 years

Isn't the company you work for now 5 days a week..?

Your commute is also somewhat flexible..

Why aren't you thinking about those things..? she said..


When I thought about it..

I suddenly became happy..


6 days..7 days..

What's the point of working myself to exhaustion to earn more money..

Working 5 days and being somewhat free..Of course, freedom always comes with responsibility..


When I shifted my perspective slightly..

My greed for money..my regret

Turned into satisfaction, and I discovered this about myself..



Probably..there are many such things in our daily lives..

Many of you probably read the story about my wife and watered-down pasta..

I've never complained about side dishes at the dinner table..


Because before we got married, my wife

Made me spaghetti but made it at almost the level of instant noodles..

Apparently she did judo when she was young

She drove my expectations straight to the ground in one shot..


So..

I'm grateful to get even a meal..

That's how I think and live..


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  • (114.122.***.***)

    [KR] 저는 외부에서는 기대를 하다가 실망을 하는게 싫어서 기대 자체를 안하는 것에 대해서 익숙한데.... 가족에게는 그게 안되더라구요. 가족이기에 안되는게 당연한 것 같기도 하지만... 아이들에게는 "네가 좋으면 됐다" 이렇게 말은 하지만 속내는 그렇지 않은 경우가 많아요. 자칫 잘못하면 방관이 될 수 도 있기 때문이기도 하지만 기대를 놓지 못하는거 같아요. 학업에 대한 기대가 아니라 삶의 방법에 관한 것들이라 더 그런가 봅니다.

    [EN] I'm used to avoiding expectations in external situations altogether because I hate the disappointment that comes with having them. But that doesn't work with family. It makes sense that it wouldn't work that way because they're family, but... With my children, I tell them "as long as you're happy, that's enough," but deep down that's often not how I really feel. Partly it's because if I'm not careful it could become neglect, but I think the real reason is that I can't let go of expectations. It's not about academic expectations—it's about the way they live their lives, which I think makes it even harder for me to let go.

    [ID] Saya terbiasa tidak memiliki harapan terhadap orang luar karena saya tidak suka mengharapkan lalu merasa kecewa... tetapi saya tidak bisa melakukan hal yang sama dengan keluarga. Memang wajar karena mereka adalah keluarga... Saya mengatakan kepada anak-anak "asalkan kamu bahagia", tetapi seringkali perasaan sesungguhnya saya tidak seperti itu. Ini juga karena takut menjadi acuh jika saya tidak berhati-hati, tetapi saya tidak bisa melepaskan harapan-harapan saya. Bukan tentang harapan akademis, melainkan tentang cara menjalani hidup, dan saya rasa itulah mengapa perasaan ini terasa lebih kuat.

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  • (118.99.***.***)

    [KR] 저는 욕심이 많아 행복지수가 아주 낮은 사람이예요. 3을 얻으면 5를 바라보고 5를 얻으면 10을 가지면 또다른걸... 욕심이 많아서 그나마 이렇게 살고 있다 생각했다가도 한번씩 심하게 번아웃이 오네요. 요즘 하지 않을려고 노력하는게 '비교'예요. 그런데 인스타며 각종 소셜은 자꾸만 비교를 하게 되네요.ㅋ

    [EN] I'm someone with a lot of ambition, so my happiness level is very low. When I get 3, I look at 5, and when I get 5, I look at 10, and if I have 10, I look at something else... I thought I was managing to live this way because of my greed, but I get severe burnout sometimes. What I'm trying not to do these days is "compare." But Instagram and all kinds of social media keep making me compare.ㅋ

    [ID] Saya adalah orang yang sangat serakah, jadi indeks kebahagiaan saya sangat rendah. Jika dapat 3, pandang 5, dan jika dapat 5, inginkan 10, dan jika punya 10, inginkan yang lain lagi... Saya pikir saya hidup seperti ini karena keserakahan, tapi dari waktu ke waktu saya mengalami burnout yang parah sekali. Akhir-akhir ini, hal yang sedang saya coba hindari adalah 'membandingkan'. Tapi Instagram dan berbagai media sosial justru terus membuat saya membandingkan diri.ㅋ

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  • (203.126.***.***)

    [KR] 제목보고 들어왔다가 핵공감하고 가네요 ㅋㅋ 내려놓는다는게 쉬운듯 어려운거같습니다.

    [EN] I came in after seeing the title and totally felt it ㅋㅋ Putting things down seems easy but is actually difficult.

    [ID] Datang karena judul, sangat relate, terus pergi. Haha. Ternyata melepaskan itu mudah tapi rumit juga.

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아이큐 330
정신이상자..
이상주의자..
사회부적응자..
로..
보일때가 많음..

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