저희 아가도 38개월... 2~3시간까지는 아니더라도 고집과 떼와......
근데 한편으로는 아이가 성장하는 과정에서 어느정도 부쩍 커버려서... 나도 아이에게 많은 과정을 스킵하며 건너 뛰고 있구나 싶기도 합니다
그렇다고 천천히 설명해주면 그 또한 "강력한 자아"로 인해 듣지도 않고요
매우매우.... 벅차고 어렵고... 감당하기 힘들기도 하지만, 30분....1시간.. 가능한 상황에서는 제가 그냥 앉아있습니다
최근 들어서는 오히려, 아이가 감정이 격해지고 작정하고 고집만 부리고 떼쓰는 느낌이 들 때는...
다른 사람 없는 곳, 보통 집의 아이 침대 위에 앉아서 아이 지켜보며 있습니다
아이가 이렇게도 저렇게 ..어디로 튈지 모를 별의 별....스킬(?)과 업그레이드된 말빨이.. 기가막힐 때도 있는데,
그래서 꼭 쓰다듬어 주고 싶지만... 무작정 그것도 좋은 방법은 아니기도 하고요
일단 그냥 앉아서 기다립니다
발로 다 발장구치듯..툭툭 엄마를 건드리거나 자꾸 엄마를 도발하려고 하는 행동들을 하니, 못만지게 하고 적당히 거리를 유지하지만, 억지로 매달리면 꽉 잡고 안되는 행동은 일단 안한다는 말을 할 때까지 제지 합니다
그 와중에 "아파요." " 살살 잡아주세요" " 불편해요"... 등등 울며 애원하듯 합니다만,
몇번 하다보니 적절한 강도도 알게 되더군요 대꾸 안하고, 다른 소리 하지말라고 하고, 잘못된 행동에 대해서만 하지말라고 물어봅니다
화가 누그러질 떄까지는 기다리고 참습니다
읽으면서 한두번이면 하겠는데....여러번은..못하겠다 생각하시겠죠...저희도..한두번이 아니에요
오전부터 내내 기분 좋게 잘 지내다가도....갑자기..? 낮잠 잘자고 일어나서.. 대체 어느 포인트에서???
그런데 쭉..지나고 보면...주기가 길던 짧던..1년에 한두번.....격변기(?)가 있더라고요
저는 매번 제가 많은 문제가 있나.. 진짜진짜.. 자책 많이 하고,
스스로 생각 많이 했거든요
제가 상담을 받는 중에 제 아이도 한두번 상담을 하면서... 제 아가가는 지극히 밝고 사랑 많이 받고...아이 답고.. 너무 사랑스러운 아이고... 등....이라고 하시더라고요
저는 꾸준히 상담을 받고 있지만, 아이는 오히려 몇번 보시더니....주기적으로 볼 이유가 없다시며.. 괜찮다고 하시더군요
상담을 받으며.. 저는 아이 대할 때도..많이 도움을 받고 있습니다
그리고 진짜진짜....이아를 대할 때 지금 단계에 적응 했다 싶으면, 한번씩 폭풍 힘든 시기가 있는데 그 시기가 지나면 아이가 한번 더 확 성장하는 것 같아요
아이의 말 한마디에 많은 순간들이 위로가 되기도 합니다
"장수탕 선녀님"을 어제 보고 왔는데, 어제 오후에 제 아가가 울고 떼쓰다 저와 한번 1시간 넘게 방에서 실갱이를 했어요
다 울고 뗴쓰고 나서는,
제 얼굴을 잡고... 안할게요..다음에는 안할게요 하더니,
제 표정을 보고...."쓰다듬 해줄게요" 하더군요
왜 그런 행동을 했냐고 물어보면, 잘 모르겠다고 해요 그냥 그렇게 하고 싶었다고 해요...
아이도 커가는 과정이라 표현하는 것도 서툴고..그래서 더 어려운 것 같아요
(저희집이 매우 엄격한 부모라는 말을 듣기도 해서..사실 매우매우매우.......엄빠가 스트레스가 심하기도 합니다.........)
[장수탕 선녀님 뮤지컬 부분 중, 선녀할머니가 덕지라는 주인공 아이가 아플 때 꿈에 나타나 "내손은 약손"..이러면서..쓰다음어주고, 그리고 아이 간호하느라 옆에 잠든 엄마(우리의 모습...감정이입 제대로..)도..."내손은 약손" 하며 몇번이고 엄마 머리도 쓰다듬어 줍니다]
Our baby is also 38 months old... not quite 2-3 hours, but with stubbornness and tantrums...
But on the other hand, as my child grows, I sometimes realize that I'm skipping over many steps in the process with them...
And yet when I try to explain slowly, they don't listen because of their "strong sense of self."
It's very, very... overwhelming and difficult... hard to handle, but when possible, for 30 minutes... an hour... I just sit there.
Recently, when my child seems to have intense emotions, acts deliberately, is stubborn and throwing tantrums... I sit on my child's bed in a place where there are no other people, watching over them.
My child with all these unexpected skills and upgraded way of talking... sometimes it's amazing. So I want to comfort them, but doing that blindly isn't always a good approach either. So I just sit and wait.
When they kick around, poke me, or keep trying to provoke me, I don't let them touch and maintain some distance. But when they cling to me, I hold them firmly and stop them until they understand not to do those bad behaviors.
In the meantime, they cry and plead with "It hurts." "Hold me gently." "I'm uncomfortable"... and so on. But after doing this a few times, I learned the right level of firmness. I don't respond, I tell them not to make other sounds, and I only point out that the wrong behavior shouldn't be done.
I wait and endure until their anger calms down. You might think you could do it once or twice while reading this... but many times would be hard... but for us it's not just once or twice.
They go along in a good mood the whole morning... but then suddenly...? After a good nap, they wake up... but at what point exactly???
But looking back over time... whether the cycle is long or short... there's a period of upheaval once or twice a year. Each time I wonder if there's something wrong with me... I really... blame myself a lot. I've thought a lot about it myself.
While I was getting counseling, my child went to counseling a couple of times too... and the counselor said my baby is extremely bright, well-loved, a true child, a very lovely child... and so on. I continue to receive counseling, but the counselor said that after seeing my child a few times, there was no need to see them regularly... they said everything was fine.
Through counseling, I've been getting a lot of help in how I treat my child.
And really... whenever I think I've adapted to the current stage with my child, there's a period of overwhelming difficulty... but when that period passes, it seems like my child grows significantly again.
Many moments are comforted by a single word from my child.
I watched "The Longevity Bathhouse Fairy" yesterday, and yesterday afternoon my baby cried and threw a tantrum, and my child and I had a back-and-forth struggle in the room for over an hour. After all the crying and tantruming, they held my face and said... I won't do it... I won't do it next time. And looking at my expression, they said... "I'll comfort you."
When I ask why they did such a thing, they say they don't know, they just wanted to do it that way... My child is still growing up, so they're clumsy with expressing themselves... and that makes it even harder. (I sometimes hear that our family has very strict parents... in fact, both parents are under a lot of stress......)
[From the musical "The Longevity Bathhouse Fairy," when the young fairy grandmother appears in a dream as the main character Duckji is sick, saying "My hands are healing hands"... and stroking them. And the mother sleeping beside the child while nursing them—our image, with deep empathy—also says "My hands are healing hands" and strokes the mother's head repeatedly.]
Anakku juga 38 bulan... Meski tidak sampai 2-3 jam, tapi keras kepala dan suka membuat ulah......
Tapi di sisi lain, karena anak berkembang dan tumbuh begitu cepat... saya juga merasa seperti banyak proses yang saya lewati dengan anak saya.
Ketika saya mencoba menjelaskan dengan lambat, karena "ego yang kuat" dia tidak mendengarkan sama sekali.
Sangat sangat.... berat dan sulit... dan terkadang sulit untuk ditangani, tapi dalam situasi yang memungkinkan seperti 30 menit....1 jam.. saya hanya duduk dan menunggu.
Akhir-akhir ini, ketika anak menjadi emosional, bersikeras, hanya keras kepala dan membuat ulah...
Saya duduk di tempat tanpa orang lain, biasanya di atas tempat tidur anak di rumah, menjaga dan mengamati anak.
Anak melakukan ini dan itu.. tidak tahu akan kemana dia akan lompat, berbagai macam keterampilan (?) dan cara bicara yang meningkat.. kadang menakjubkan.
Jadi saya ingin memulinya, tapi itu juga bukan metode yang baik tanpa pemikiran.
Untuk saat ini, saya hanya duduk dan menunggu.
Seperti menendang-nendang dengan kaki.. sering menyentuh ibu atau berusaha untuk menggoda ibu, jadi saya tidak membiarkannya menyentuh dan mempertahankan jarak yang cukup. Tapi jika dia menggantung dengan paksa, saya memegang dengan kuat dan memberhentikan perilaku yang tidak boleh sampai dia mengatakan bahwa dia tidak akan melakukannya.
Di tengah itu, dia berkata sambil menangis dan memohon seperti "Sakit.." "Pegangi dengan lembut" "Tidak nyaman"... dan sebagainya.
Setelah melakukan ini beberapa kali, saya belajar tentang intensitas yang tepat. Saya tidak membalas, saya katakan jangan membuat suara lain, dan hanya mengatakan jangan lakukan untuk perilaku yang salah.
Saya menunggu dan bersabar sampai kemarahan mereda.
Membaca ini, Anda mungkin pikir saya bisa melakukan ini satu atau dua kali....tapi berkali-kali.. saya tidak bisa..kami juga tidak hanya sekali atau dua kali.
Bahkan setelah bersenang-senang dengan baik sepanjang pagi....tiba-tiba..? Setelah tidur siang yang baik dan bangun.. pada titik mana tepatnya???
Tapi setelah waktu berlalu.. tidak peduli siklus panjang atau pendek.. ada periode transformasi (?) satu atau dua kali setahun.
Setiap kali saya berpikir apakah saya memiliki banyak masalah.. benar-benar.. saya menyalahkan diri sendiri.
Saya banyak memikirkan hal-hal tentang diri saya sendiri.
Sementara saya menerima konseling, anak saya juga mengikuti konseling satu atau dua kali... dan konselor mengatakan bahwa anak saya sangat cerah, sangat dicintai... sangat seperti anak-anak.. sangat dicintai... dan lain-lain.
Saya terus menerima konseling, tapi anak hanya dilihat beberapa kali....dan mereka mengatakan tidak ada alasan untuk melihatnya secara berkala.. dia baik-baik saja.
Melalui konseling.. saya juga mendapatkan banyak bantuan dalam menangani anak.
Dan benar-benar.. ketika saya pikir saya telah beradaptasi dengan tahap sekarang dalam menangani anak ini, ada periode yang sangat sulit sekali-sekali, dan ketika periode itu berlalu, anak tampak tumbuh bahkan lebih lagi.
Satu kata dari anak dapat menghibur saya di banyak momen.
Kemarin saya menonton "Jangsuang Seonnyeo-nim", dan kemarin sore anak saya menangis dan membuat ulah, jadi kami berdalih selama lebih dari 1 jam di kamar.
Setelah menangis dan membuat ulah semuanya,
Dia megangi wajah saya... dia berkata "Aku tidak akan melakukannya.. Aku tidak akan melakukannya lain kali".
Melihat ekspresi wajah saya... dia berkata "Aku akan membelai Anda".
Ketika saya bertanya mengapa dia melakukan hal itu, dia berkata dia tidak tahu, dia hanya ingin melakukannya...
Karena anak juga sedang tumbuh, dia juga tidak mahir dalam mengekspresikan diri.. jadi sepertinya lebih sulit.
(Saya juga mendengar bahwa kami adalah orang tua yang sangat ketat.. sebenarnya ayah ibu juga sangat sangat sangat...... mengalami stres yang berat..........)
[Dalam bagian musical "Jangsuang Seonnyeo-nim", nenek peri muncul dalam mimpi ketika anak protagonis bernama Deokji sakit, mengatakan "Tangan saya adalah tangan penyembuhan".. sambil membelai, dan juga ibu yang tertidur di sebelah saat merawat anak (penampilan kami.. dengan empati yang tepat..) juga... mengatakan "Tangan saya adalah tangan penyembuhan" dan berkali-kali membelai kepala ibu juga]
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